Cold “cure” formula is just viral marketing
October 30th, 2007
The Independent reported today on a formula promising a “cure” for the common cold. Although really it did no such thing. There’s so much wrong with the article I scarcely know where to begin debunking it. For a start, its written by “Dr Chris Idzikowski, the director of the Edinburgh Sleep Centre” (so I’m guessing he’s not a virologist), and actually deals with insomnia caused by having a cold. So not really a cure in any sense. Let’s have a look at the formula itself:
i4 + (x * t3) + (y * i1) – a1 – t4 + t2 – i3 + (2 * (p+p2)) + L1 = cold cure
Where t2 is having a hot bath (I wonder what the units of “hot bath” are), as this “opens capillaries in the skin, so that the body can shed heat after you get out of the tub”. As far as I can see it, this follows the logic: you need to cool down, so get in a hot bath, your body will divert blood to the skin to try and cool down, and then get out and hope your body doesn’t close the capillaries, thus allowing you to cool down. Why not just have a cold bath?
i1 is for having some alcohol before bed, although it’s hard to know whether Dr Idzikowski mentioned a hot toddy or the journalist did. Either way, you’re not allowed to have more than two units. This caveat isn’t actually described by the formula, so I guess you just have to know. In case you’re wondering what y is (which multiplies i1), it’s “opening a window”. Again, the units aren’t clear, is y the number of windows opened, or how far you open them? And in any case, what does it have to do with alcohol? Can you drink more than the allocated two units if you close some windows? In fact, opening zero windows will negate the effect of any alcohol, so drink away!
Throw in TV viewing (a1 – again no units (number of hours of TV? Minutes? Number of TVs??)), bedsocks (t4 and I’m not joking), and Beechams Flu Plus (i4). Then work them all out to see… er… what? I don’t know. A value? A percentage? Nowhere does the article tell us what the fuck this is even supposed to work out. Add to that i3, p, and p2 aren’t even described in the article. Who knows what they are? I don’t. Do you? Maybe journalist Paul Rodgers knows. I don’t think he does. I don’t think he even cares. All that matters is this: a Brainy Scientist has come up with a Formula that Looks Complicated and Solves A Problem. You, pleb reader, are not required to know the details, and are not invited to. By the way, did we mention he has a book out?
More tedious viral marketing disguised as science.
Entry Filed under: General
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12 Comments
1. gimpy | October 30th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I have a stinking cold Frank, I’ll put the formula to the test and let you know if it helps. I suspect hot bath + modest alcoholic drink + open window + TV time + bedsocks +Beechams = snot production + self pity + snoring
2. Ithika | October 30th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
That was brilliant Frank. I was beginning to worry that your new job had cut off your caustic tongue. It seems what you were really missing was another formula story! ;-)
3. jdc325 | October 30th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
This is an incredibly trivial comment, but: The Indy seems to have a cool research tool at the bottom of the article: “Interesting? Click here to explore further”. I clicked. I’m still not sure how a wikipedia article on Norwegian Railcars can enhance your understanding of Dr Idzikowski’s formula though… Nice work Frank.
4. Frank the SciencePunk | October 30th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Brilliant.
5. Poor Pothecary | October 30th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Also from Chris Idzikowski: Sleep position gives personality clue.
6. Poor Pothecary | October 30th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Ooh, and a deal with Kerrygold: Dubliner Cheese – the answer to a good night’s sleep?: “The truth to the myth has been unveiled by Kerrygold, manufacturer of Dubliner Irish Cheese, with the help of Dr Chris Idzikowski, director of The Sleep Advisory Service in Harley Street, London”.
7. Frank the SciencePunk | October 30th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Dr Idzikowski seems a curious one. His credentials appear to be sound, but he indulges in some very flaky stuff…
8. steve | October 30th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
what a pile of shit. how did that ever get published? tight deadlines and a press release just uncritically rehashed I suspect.
you’d think there was nothing else going on in the world.
9. Frank the SciencePunk | October 31st, 2007 at 12:30 am
Appears this may be a development on his formula for Travelodge.
Chris Idzikowski has worked with Travelodge to develop a sleeping temperature formula in order to a good night sleep:
Air temperature + high/low tog duvet +/ – night clothes = good night’s sleep
(65F / 18C + 10 tog duvet + cotton PJ’s = good night’s sleep)
Then again, maybe he just has a new book to sell.
10. Poor Pothecary | November 1st, 2007 at 12:55 am
Travelodge
He forgot to include in the formula factors of irritation level from staff talking about astrology and distrubance by naked sleepwalkers (Dr Idzikowski was involved in the latter pseudo-survey too).
11. Poor Pothecary | November 1st, 2007 at 1:03 am
… and there’s more (Google site:www.travelodge.co.uk Chris Idzikowski for a similar bunch of survey-based marketing).
12. Milly | November 2nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Love it. Love how you’ve taken the trouble to actually go through the formula, rather than just thinking “scientist+impressive looking formula x published in newspaper = FACT” like the majority of readers…
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