Funky spunk: “sperm for tickets” is a hoax

March 12th, 2008

Thanks to Claire for forwarding this – music magazine NME reports that a company in Ireland is offering free tickets to any European festival in exchange for a sperm donation. Before you drop your trousers, however, I can reveal that it’s sadly just a PR stunt.

The NME says:

Sperm donors are to be offered free tickets to any music festival in Europe under a new initiative.

Passes to a festival of their choice will be offered to any donors in Europe who contribute to Ireland’s sperm reserves.

The Sperm For Tickets website says:

we have set up an alternative method for donations by using specially developed donation containers combined with a fast courier network to offer a mail system. The patented container is a new discovery that was made by our research and development team, which allows samples to to stay fresh for up to 3 days. We offer a worldwide courier service using DHL and UPS that guarantee delivery times.

And there, unfortunately, is the line that gives it all away. There is absolutely no way any regular next-day courier service is going to transport biohazardous materials like blood or semen. A quick phonecall to both DHL and UPS confirms that neither are willing to collect my precious seed (”…without special licences and so on”). There are, of course, other tell-tale signs that this isn’t true: Sperm For Tickets don’t mention who they’re collecting it for (NHS? private clinics?), and don’t list any contact information on their website. They own a .com domain rather than a .org domain. The likelihood that they’ve struck some deal with every single festival in Europe, great and small, to turn your junk into free passes is improbable in the extreme.

And finally, the website was registered by Dave Clayton of Area52, a Dublin-based marketing firm. Wait, did I say firm? I meant, “group of marketing students at Dublin University”. They say:

Ever tried eating your shoe while scuba diving up-side-down in the hope of having a eureka moment to come up with an amazing idea?

No.

Well, we have. And after a few attempts we realised it was not working, so instead we gathered Ireland’s sharpest minds to generate ideas in a think-tank environment.

Ireland’s sharpest minds are more preoccupied with masturbation than curing cancer, it seems. Well done guys – you’ve created a thinly-veiled hoax masquerading as a news story to no obvious benefit to anyone. I’d say that makes you indistinguishable from most PR hacks already working out there.

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