5 ways to kill an elephant

November 14th, 2008

Elephants are the world’s largest living land animal, which poses something of a problem when you need to make one of them the world’s largest dead land animal. Although much-loved by circus audiences and Roman conquerers, often there comes a time when an elephant needs to be killed, either because it is sick or in pain, has become dangerous to itself and others, or simply because it won’t hand over its tusks.  When this happens, how do you fell such a mighty animal with a minimum of pain and fuss?

1) We’re going to need a bigger gun…
As colonial hunters explored Africa in the early 1800s, they found their guns woefully inadequate for killing large, thick-skinned game such as rhino and elephant.  In the age of low-explosive gunpowder, the only solution was to build a bigger gun – up to a massive 4 gauge (24mm bore!) with projectiles weighing 130g.  (Compare that to a modern sniper round, at a puny 7.62mm diameter.)  However, these ‘elephant guns’ still weren’t up to the task, and trying to take down an elephant with one was a hit-and-miss affair (ho-ho!).  True pachyderm-stopping-power only arrived with the advent of high-explosive ’smokeless powders’ such as cordite.  The Nitro Express line dominate the big gun market until ivory hunting died off in the mid-20th century.  Today, the aptly named .600 Overkill is the largest available hunting round, and is designed specifically for elephant hunting.  It is powerful enough to penetrate 6 feet of solid oak and the torque of the massive round spinning down the barrel can twist the rifle from your hand.

2) The Gargantuan Gallows
Erwin, Tennessee, holds the dubious honour of being the site of the world’s only known elephant lynching.  In 1916, an elephant named Mary belonging to Sparks World Famous Shows attacked and killed an inexperienced handler named Red Eldridge.  Although the story has been told and retold to the point of obfuscating true details, it was clear that no town would give Sparks a licence to operate with a dangerous elephant in tow.  Officials were left with the problem of how to safely put down Mary without any specialised equipment.  They finally settled on death by hanging, to be performed at the local railroad station using a powerful derrick car.  According to legend, the execution was bungled, making the entire story a sad state of affairs.  Today in Erwin you can visit the Hanging Elephant Antique Shop for all your pachyderm-lynching souveneir needs.

3) A shocking finale
During the late 1800s two forms of electricity distribution vied for dominance – the so-called War of the Currents.  Thomas Edison, whose personal holdings depended on the adoption of Direct Current, set out on a propaganda mission to illustrate the dangers of the competing form, Alternating Current.  His campaign organised the electrocution of stray and unwanted animals with AC electricity to demonstrate its inherent danger.  The most famous of these public executions was that of Topsy, an elephant of Coney Island which had killed three of its handlers.   The event was filmed – a video that still exists today.  Ultimately, Alternating Current (which allows for cheap and effective transmission of electricity over long distances) became the favoured technology; however, one of Edison’s employees put the lesson of Topsy to good use by inventing the electric chair.

4) The Electric Acid Kool Aid Death
In one of the most bizarre annals of scientific experimentation, researchers at the University of Oklahoma injected a 7,000lb bull elephant named Tusko with a massive dose of LSD.  They were attempting to induce a seasonal condition in male elephants known as musth, during which they become very violent and uncontrollable.  Loading a dart rifle with almost 300mg of LSD (over 1000 times the normal human recreational dose), Tusjko was shot in the buttock.  Five minutes later he collapsed into spasm, and despite attempts to counteract the LSD, died less than two hours later.  The ensuing controversy still echoes today.

5) The final cut is the deepest
According to this document, the most humane way of euthanising an elephant is via lethal injection using a pint of saturated potassium chloride solution (the same chemical used to euthanise criminals).  However, if the chemist is all out of potassium chloride (and the massive amount of sedative needed to render the elephant unconcious first) you can opt for the other painless method – using a scalpel to cut the aorta.  Of course, this being an elephant, you need to stick your arm shoulder-deep into its rectum and cut it from the inside.  What more dignified death could Nelly ask for than to spend its last moments with a vet’s arm up its arse, before falling into an endless sleep whilst gallons of blood gush from its backside?

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