Are you afraid of lightning? Perhaps you’re not afraid of lightning enough. Maybe you simply enjoy putting up gazebos during thunderstorms. All are good reasons for owning your own personal lightning detector. For the low low price of $79.95, you can purchase the StrikeAlert, a handy device that warns you when you’re in range of lightning bolts. Presumably so you can try dodging them.
2 comments July 1st, 2008
A long time back, a loyal reader (whose name is sadly lost in the mists of time) sent me a link to a bizarre sports drink that, like many others, promises you’ll train harder/faster/stronger/better, but unusually, claims to do this by rejigging your digestive system to mimic that of a big bug.
The makers of Hornet Juice Sports Drink claim it is based on the activities of the Giant Hornet, an endurance athlete amongst insects that can “fly 50 miles a day”. The makers of Hornet Juice believe this is down to the hornet’s diet of an amino acid mixture secreted by their larval. By recreating this mixture, they claim:
Hornet Juice activates the metabolism of fat for energy right from the start of your physical activity. This results in your glycogen being conserved, enabling you to maintain a steady pace to the very end.
Presumably because what’s good for an inch-long flying insect must also be good for a six-foot tall running human. And I guess reconfiguring your entire digestive system is a safe and advisable pastime, too. Ah, there’s nothing like a bit of cargo cult science to put a smile on your face. Seriously though, don’t they remember what happened to Timothy West in Tales of the Unexpected?! (anyone got a video link to this?)
5 comments April 22nd, 2008
For some time now we here at the bad science frontline have been seeing adverts for “cosmeceuticals” – a portmanteau that promises all the effectiveness of clinically-trialled medicine, in your make-up. Of course, medical products are strictly controlled and licensed, so cosmetic companies tread a thin line – if their anti-wrinkle creams are too effective, they’ll be classed as medicines and sales restricted. “Cosmeceuticals” sits on that line nicely – more than make-up but less than medicine.
Clearly this was too strict a definition for NaturScience, who’ve branched out into their own trademarked realm of pseudoscience – “quantumceuticals”. These are, according to the press bumf, “the next revolution in health and wellness”. NaturScience’s products seem to focus on being some kinf of buffer solutions:
Alkalark helps reduce acidosis by balancing the body’s ph[sic]. Acidosis may contribute to disease and preventing acidosis by balancing the body’s ph can help you maintain good health.
Err… personally, I think the human body has a well-developed and finely-tuned system for regulating its acidity, and the various different pHs that have to exist in different parts of the body. I wonder, what pH does NaturScience think is optimum for human beings?
That’s nothing compared to what their other products can do, though…
The Weight Loss patch utilized a breakthrough technology that emits nanowave frequencies to support the proper function of the body’s metabolic system.
Say what?! If we were playing pseudoscience-word-bingo here, we’d be beyond full house now. There’s far too much on the NaturSciene site for me to debunk it all, I hope some of you will report back and tell me what you find there.
2 comments December 24th, 2007
I know many of you out there are thinking: “I wish someone out there would make a face cream that I could feel confident spending £350 on”. Thankfully cosmetics company Chantecaille have come to the rescue. Cleverly realising that rich people have far more money than sense, they have produced Chantecaille Nano Gold Energising Cream, which boasts not just gold, but silk fibres coated in nano gold! Helen Brown at the Times Online is convinced, stating:
“The wide-ranging uses of gold are such that particles are now being considered by scientists as a possible way to detect and treat cancer. Which makes it easier to believe that, in face creams, it works a treat to soothe stressed skin.”
Hmm. You mind running that logic by me again? I heard acne is something to do with hormones, but that didn’t convince me to rub bull semen on my face. This is prime cargo cult science – a hazy idea of some miraculous substance, stripped of all qualifying caveats and details, and pumped into a standard face cream. Science is golden, people; this cream is just bunk.
1 comment October 28th, 2007
If there was ever a solution in need of a problem, it’ll be found within the pages of the Innovations catalogue. Sadly this mighty tome is no more, although there are many companies out there desperately trying to convince us to buy something we don’t need. Take for instance, the following stress-reliever. Thoughtful Products Ltd start off with the somewhat unbelievable claim that 50% 0f GP consultations each year are from people seeking relief from constipation. Luckily, they have the answer. Behold the mighty Loo Stool®!
Using this cutting-edge fusion of toilet technology, expect to flush away constipation problems as the Loo Stool® corrects your pooing posture for more meliorated movements. Of course, big improvements to the smallest room in the house don’t come cheap. The Loo Stool® vends at a hefty £45. What’s more, if you’d like to take the Loo Stool® with you on holiday (presumably to one of those countries that doesn’t already have squat-holes) you can purchase the handy Loo Stool® Bag for only £4.50, which Thoughtful Products suggest can also double as a laundry bag. Nice.
3 comments July 19th, 2007
If you, like me, have trouble seeing auras, it could be because they don’t exist. Or, maybe, we’re just not trying hard enough. Luckily, as with so many areas in life, there is someone willing to sell us a solution. Step forward Wendy L. Lambert, creator and distributor of AURA GOGGLES.
Wow! Who knew that the technology needed to visualise a person’s energy field thing could be reduced down to a strip of card and plastic? And it doesn’t need batteries or anything! Wendy sure is clever.
A few years ago I purchased a pair of aura goggles and had success in increasing my aura viewing abilities. Then I discovered an indigo filter that, when held to the eye, allowed me to see auras just as the aura goggles did.
Clearly Wendy’s been doing some serious R&D. She also hatched the cunning marketing strategy to sell the glasses with a nonsense pamphlet an instruction manual, the result of which was that:
“Aura Glasses: You Can see Auras” rapidly became a best seller in Canada at first printing in 1996 (over 2,000 copies sold in the first year), and can now be found around the world.
At a guess, I’d say with bestsellers in Canada typically selling several million copies, either there is a very steep dropoff outside the top ten, or Wendy is guilty of some serious hyperbole. But what do I know? The market in gimmicky New Age books boasting free aura goggles can’t be that crowded.
The Aura Goggles (and associated book) can be yours for just USD$24.95. Frankly, that a little much for me to pay just to find out what exactly these are. I’m gonna stick my neck out and say Wendy L. Lambert’s Aura Goggles are in fact no more than a piece of card with some holographic film stuck to it. You know, the kind you used to wear as a kid which covered everything with trippy rainbows. Unless Wendy is willing to send me a free sample, or explain the technology behind the Aura Goggles, I’ll stick with HoloSpex, sold at a fraction of the price and with none of the bullshit.
4 comments January 10th, 2007
Those folks over at Geek24.com have reposted a video and recipe from Undeniable Facts illustrating how to make “magentic water”. This scores might highly on the old Bad Science Scale as it involves two quackery favourites, water and magnetism, although there’s no suggestion of any medical benefits (missed opportunity there, guys). In case you need any convincing, take a look at the video. Notice anything? If it looks like they’ve just fixed a glass of water and a camera to a box and are tipping the whole thing around, that’s because they have.
Let’s have a look at the recipe.
First, get a glass and put about one half cup of water in it. Grab four limes and squeeze the juice into the glass. Next, get about three sizable leaves of spinach and submerge them in the water. Place the glass in your refrigerator (otherwise the water will turn green), and leave overnight. The next day, carefully fish out the spinach leaves, get a powerful magnet, and go to town!
Now, I’m sure there are some fancy chemistry arguments that can explain why this won’t work, but first, consider this. Do magnets work on cabbages? I don’t think so. Do magnets work on cabbage soup? Again, I’m guessing not. Thirdly, if the iron in the water could really be affected by a magnet, would it distort the water or simply be pulled out of solution?
Ok, time for a little science. The venerable source Wikipedia says:
Iron is essential to all known organisms. It is mostly stably incorporated in the inside of metalloproteins, because in exposed or in free form it causes production of free radicals that are generally toxic to cells. To say that iron is free doesn’t mean that it is free floating in the bodily fluids. Iron binds avidly to virtually all biomolecules so it will adhere nonspecifically to cell membranes, nucleic acids, proteins etc.
Now, it’s important to remember that nothing I’ve posted here conclusively proves that this wouldn’t work. But that’s not the point. Geek24 were panned for reposting this fluff, and in response stated:
Yes, the video does look fake, it might as well be an illusion as you point out or perhaps a clever computer generated video like this . But, that’s exactly why we want our geek friends like you to tell us what you think of it?
Thus we underscore the difference between keeping an open mind and keeping an open and critical mind. You don’t want you mind so open that your brain falls out. Indeed, you have to wonder why Geek24 would give space to this whilst ignoring the far, far more awesome ferrofluids – fluids that really are distorted by magnetic fields. They’re quite beautiful, as you can see from Project “Protrude, Flow” by Sachiko Kodama and Minako Takeno
Add comment December 9th, 2006
Imagine, if you will, a machine that gave out more than you put in. A car that did 1000 miles on a gallon of fuel – or better yet, on no fuel at all. In fact, imagine a car that made fuel, the more you drove it. Imagine no more, for I give you… The Joe Cell.
Hamish Robertson claims to have developed an “over-unity machine” – something that gives out more energy than is put in. In doing so, he joins a lengthy list of people that have claimed to have created a perpetual motion machine, all of whom, to date, were liars. Hamish’s design is a group of nested cylinders filled with water, through which a charge is put. Other than shorting out your power supply, I can’t really see what this will achieve. On the other hand:
A static charge is induced, establishing opposing electric fields at the cathode and anode. …When a relatively small charge feedback loop begins and progressively more and more electrons are pulled through the water and off surrounding molecules toward the electric field of the anode.
Ah yes, that well-known property of negative ions, that they are attracted to other negative ions. That must be why… um… oh, god, that’s just so utterly fucking stupid I can’t even joke.
Well anyway, Hamish was passed the plans for the Joe Cell from a friend who got them from a friend, whose grandad saw them in use on tanks in the Second World War (no, really, that’s what the site says). By the way, there’s also this stunning piece of evidence, an image by rogue physicist and New Age father Walter Russell:
See how it resembles the Joe Cell? Is that not proof enough?
Originally, I was going to write to our friend Hamish. But honestly, a child could tell you that filling buckets with water and putting electricity through them isn’t a good idea. I’m not even sure how you’re supposed to connect the Joe Cell to you car, or even what it produces. Electricity? Gas? Coffee?
Buried at the bottom of the page, we have a small disclaimer from Hamish. He says:
They are prone to dying for no apparant reason
Ah. Hmm. Yes. That will explain why his machine will never work when the cameras are rolling. I think it’s safe to say that we’ll still be queueing at the pumps for a few decades yet. And when we stop, it certainly won’t be for the Joe Cell.
17 comments November 21st, 2006
If this looks like a $10 Timex clock with a red sticker on it, that’s because it is. Oh all right then, it’s not, it’s Machina Dynamica’s Clever Little Clock. How clever? Clever enough to sell for $199 a piece.
Continue Reading 3 comments November 12th, 2006
And now to the humourously titled “White Paper on Brilliant Pebbles”, which isn’t a White Paper, and sells pebbles that are only brilliant in the sense that make Geoff Kait a lot of money. As you can see from the image, it’s a small jar of pebbles, the kind mums buy on holiday as cheap souvenirs. If you mum was smart, she’d put them in a vial and charge them at $129 a piece. But why would anyone spend $129 on a small vial of polished gravel?
To answer that, here’s one of those ‘magic eye’ images, from the MD website.
Not convinced? Hmm.. Well, how about this: they’ll make your stereo sound better! Real good, like one of those Super Audio systems with the 5.1 channel surround sound. Just place them on your speaker, or in the corner of the room, or next to your clock and be amazed by the instant improvement in sound. The idea runs something like this: rocks are made of crystals. The molecules in a crystal vibrate. Sound waves are vibrations. Place these in your listening room and they’ll absorb unwanted sound reflections. Yes, that’s right. Rocks absorb sound. Remember how libraries filled with soft furnishings don’t have many echoes, and car parks with concrete floors and walls do? Well, you’re wrong. Rocks absorb sound really well, especially unwanted sound, which can somehow be distinguished from the sound you do want. Perhaps that’s where the brilliant part comes in. Small vials of polished rock are very good at absorbing sound. Still not convinced? OK then, here are some atoms:
See, they’re oscillating. Machina Dynamica would have us believe that proves everything.
Did I mention they have glowing testimonials on the website? If I’d just spent $129 on a jar of rocks, I’d be telling myself it was worth it, too. Perhaps my favourite line in the “White Paper” is this:
Brilliant Pebbles is capable of dramatically lowering audio noise and distortion – perhaps especially in systems where great pains have been taken to ensure the highest possible performance.
In other words, Brilliant Pebbles work best when you’re the type of chump who just spent £5000 on a hi-fi, $199 on a clock, £500 on a crocodile clip, £30 on a power cable, and would gladly pay £10 for a punch in the face if you were told it would make your stereo sound better.
See the Original Site
iLikeJam’s collection of Audiophile nonsense
3 comments October 28th, 2006
It might look like your average beekeeper’s hat, but this pretty lady is actually wearing £25.50 worth of cutting-edge anti-EMF headgear as sold by chief alarmist and Daily Mail correspondent Alasdair Philips. Simply place said hat on your head, and you are protected against mobile phone signals, electricity pylons, household wiring, and anything else remotely electrical that could possibly be sending an invisible “electrosmog” of death your way (efficacy against mind-control waves and psychic attacks has yet to be determined). I think this makes the EMF Hat a strong contender as a successor technology to those first-generation Tin Foil Hats.
Just like heat rays and space travel, headgear to protect against invisible debilitating death waves have been the staple of science fiction for a long time now. Strong advocates include Magneto, who sports a stylish Greek Olympian-inspired number to protect him against those pesky X-Men. Likewise, big-man Juggernaut isn’t too proud to admit even he needs to look after his head. That’s nonce-sense, I like to say.
In case any of you would pooh-pooh the protection offered by Tin Foil Hats, let’s remember that graduate students at MIT carried out a study demonstrating the attenuating power of an aluminium foil hat. That must count for something. After all, it’s not like students to carry out some kind of tongue-in-cheek experiment just for laughs, is it?
All of which goes to show, you don’t have to be crazy to invest in a decent anti-EMF helmet. However, crazy is exactly what you’ll look as you potter about Primark in one of these, unless you can somehow convince everyone it’s a safeguard against bees. Which, funnily enough, is the only real protection this device offers.
1 comment October 6th, 2006