Viral marketing targets SciencePunk, get into a pickle

I’d like to share with you all the joy of a recent email exchange between myself and someone at Draftfcb, a trendy marketing outfit.  It all started when the following email dropped into my inbox:

SUBJECT: FUNNY VIDEO

Hi Frank
I have been reading your blog and I noticed that you like science and humor mixed together. We wanted to share with you this video we created. We thought it’s something you and your readers of SciencePunk might find interesting and entertaining. This was an actual pickle test conducted in the (removed) Pickle labs and we thought it was so interesting, we added our own commentary. Take a look and enjoy. We’d love it if you shared it with your readers too.
(link removed)
Sincerely,
Courtney Crowder

So, hey, free material, and I’m not impartial to a little viral, if it’s funny and informative.  So I watch the video, and sure enough there’s a man conducting an acoustic pickle test.  Who would have thought there was an actual machine to measure how loud the snap of a pickle was?  Awesome, right?  Well, Draftfcb clearly didn’t think so.  They added a voiceover and text at the beginning of the video insisting that it was “REALLY, REALLY BORING”, so much so that they paid a couple of comedians to add their own commentary.  Well, Draftfcb call them comedians.  I call them ‘douchebags’.  I replied:

Hi Courtney
I had no idea there was an actual pickle acoustic test! Neat. Shame about the over-dub though, it’s really un-funny. Any chance of the original video, sans the Beavis and Butthead commentary? If so I’d definitely link it.
Frank

I assume the staff at Draftfcb were too busy getting Geek Pie haircuts and frotting themselves silly over how wonderfully subversive they were, because I didn’t get a reply.  However, I did get emailed again, three weeks later:

SUBJECT: food science?
Hey-
I have been a reader of Science Punk for a long time and I really appreciate your take on all forms of science. I cant find anything on your site about food science though and I am really interested in that form of science. I found this video of a REAL guy who is testing the ‘snap’ quality of pickles and I want to know more about it. The people talking over it are funny too. Can you post this and tell me a little bit about either how they really can tell which pickle is snappier or more about the equipment that tests the pickles.
Heres the video…
(same link removed)
Thanks!
Courtney Crowder

I think, mostly because Courtney is now pretending not to be a viral marketer, this constitutes an ‘epic fail’.  Especially as I’ve written about food science quite a number of times.  How can I reply to such a laughable attempt at subterfuge?  Like this:

Hi Courtney
Thanks for getting in touch.  I’m glad to hear you’re a long-time reader of my site.
Thanks for the link, sadly I don’t think it’s suitable for sciencepunk.
Best
Frank

PS - it might help in future to dispense with the made-up stories and admit you’re working for the company featured.
PPS - especially as you emailed me this same link three weeks ago saying as much.
PPPS - and even more so as I replied to the first email with my feedback on why I wasn’t going to feature it.

And if that wasn’t funny enough, check out Draftfcb’s ridiculous email footer:

This message is the property of Draftfcb and contains information which may
be privileged or confidential. It is meant only for the intended recipients
and/or their authorized agents. If you believe you have received this
message in error, please notify us immediately by return e-mail and destroy
any printed or electronic copies of the message. Any unauthorized use,
dissemination, disclosure, or copying of this message or the information
contained in it, is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.
Thank you for your cooperation.
(A)

Your property??  Who are you kidding?  It’s resting on my disc space by way of an email service that I pay for, and so long as I’m sent unsolicited invitations to do your job for you, I’ll do whatever I please with the email.

So there you have it.  A crash course (and I emphasise the crash) on modern day marketing: take an interesting video, ruin it, ask other people to distribute it, ignore their feedback, then insult their intelligence.  Crash and burn, Draftfcb.

Add comment July 3rd, 2008

Personal Lightning Detector

Are you afraid of lightning?  Perhaps you’re not afraid of lightning enough.  Maybe you simply enjoy putting up gazebos during thunderstorms.  All are good reasons for owning your own personal lightning detector.  For the low low price of $79.95, you can purchase the StrikeAlert, a handy device that warns you when you’re in range of lightning bolts.  Presumably so you can try dodging them.

1 comment July 1st, 2008

Amphibious Robot Snake (video)

Amphibious robot snake.  Info here.  That is all.

2 comments June 26th, 2008

Official: urine is worth more than champagne

Have you ever heard the phrase (usually directed at some very recently-single lady) “he’s not worth your tears”?  Well, how much are tears worth, really?  How much are any of your bodily fluids worth?  Thankfully the good people at Innovative Research have just the answer!  See below for my handy graph showing the value of your various bodily fluids, with ‘expensive’ liquids such as petrol and high-end champagne thrown in for comparison.

5 comments June 26th, 2008

Nikon’s Powers of Ten

Many years ago, a delightful video entitled Powers of Ten was created, enthralling all who viewed it as they were taken to the outer reaches of space and then down to the inner workings of a cell.  Enjoying a massive surge of interest after it was posted on YouTube, Eames Office LLC got all whiny about copyright and YouTube pulled the plug on it (although you can still watch by registering at the official website).

If you can’t be bothered with that nonsense, head over to Nikon, who have a splendid feature called Universcale, allowing you to travel from the furthest reaches of space to the tiniest particle perceivable, and explains the sights along the way.  Nikon say:

Today, using the electron microscope and astronomical telescope, we can see the objects which we have not been aware of its existence before. Are you able to fathom, or even roughly grasp, these sizes?

Indeed. And yes, so long as a commercial company are the ones inspiring us with science, I will use their name prominently, thankyouverymuch. (link)

3 comments June 23rd, 2008

Solve this ice cube mystery!

SciencePunk reader Ben writes:

Just found this photo that I took a few months ago. I’m unable to explain what’s going on here with my ice cube tray. I opened the freezer to find it like this.

Any ideas?

12 comments June 19th, 2008

Awesome Rolls-Royce gadget

I had the pleasure to attend the Rolls-Royce Science Prize Awards Dinner last night - Tim Smit of Eden Project fame was a speaker, as was Lord Rees of Ludlow (President of the Royal Society), and both were incredibly engaging and interesting.  Aside from the free champagne and good food, I also bagged this sweet Rolls-Royce loot:

You might think the awards were a bit of a PR effort by the Rolls-Royce corp, but there seems to be a genuine motivation to improve science engagement in schools through the scheme, and I’m pleased it exists.  Well done to winners St Anne’s Primary, a tiny school that’s making a big impact in the local community with its project on the water cycle.

Add comment June 19th, 2008

Crop circle reveals Pi

Here’s a neat story about a crop circle that embodies a (rather obvious) representation of pi. Seems strange that it took two weeks to figure it out. I’d show the image of the crop circle but it’s under copyright… boo. But here’s the Daily Mail’s E-Z-Pi colour wheel for you:

The full story is here.

9 comments June 18th, 2008

al-Qaida branches into alchemy

A lot of press has been made recently about the creative destruction (read: bombing) of a 237-ton stash of finest Afghan cannabis by the Royal Air Force. But it was the Daily Mail that revealed those sneaky terrorists had an ingenious plan to bump up the crop’s street value:

Officials believe the area - near to the Taliban stronghold of Quetta in Pakistan - was turning dried cannabis leaves into heroin.

What???

Thanks, Martin!

7 comments June 15th, 2008

Scientists develop ‘cloak of silence’

From the BBC:

Scientists have shown off the blueprint for an “acoustic cloak”, which could make objects impervious to sound waves.

The technology, outlined in the New Journal of Physics, could be used to build sound-proof homes, advanced concert halls or stealth warships.

Neat!

2 comments June 13th, 2008

Gardener killed by fungus

A man has died after inhaling spores of Aspergillus fungus whilst spreading compost in his garden. Everybody panic!

A potentially lethal biohazard could be breeding in gardens across Britain, according to a report in the medical journal The Lancet.
Doctors issued the warning after it emerged that a healthy middle-aged man died after inhaling fungal spores from rotting plant material.

Link

2 comments June 13th, 2008

Foul scent of a woman

The London Times has an interesting article on Pamela Dalton, the woman who created the worst smell on Earth, part of a program to create a weaponised perfume for the US Department of Defense:

NOT many people can claim to have smelt the world’s worst odour, but Pamela Dalton also helped to invent it.

Six years ago, Dalton and her colleagues at the Monell Chemical Senses Centre in Philadelphia were asked by the US Department of Defense to study whether responses to malo-dours were universal. They may well be: during trials, the mixture they came up with, nicknamed stench soup, managed to disgust just about everybody.

Thanks, Ellen!

Add comment June 12th, 2008

My Top 5 Science Destinations

Thanks to the venerable Brendon H for sending me a link to New Scientist’s ‘Top 10 spacey things to do before you die‘. It’s inspired me to make a list of my own top science-themed things to see in my lifetime. I haven’t got time to write about everything I want to see, but here’s a few for starters.
Jantar Mantar, India
In 1727 the Maharaja Jai Sing II order the construction of an astronomical observatory in Jaipur, which was to become the largest of five such observatories throughout India. At Jantar Mantar, the buildings themselves are scientific instruments, a blend of architecture, geometry and astronomy, which plot the course of heavenly bodies with their looming, seemingly abstract shapes. It’s a place that blends science and art wonderfully, and of course, everything still works today.

The Auroras, polar regions
It’s an obvious choice, but the prospect of seeing the entire sky bathed in blue-green fire is simply too much to resist. The fact that the auroras are the result of charged particles from the sun in the grip of the Earth’s magnetic field makes it all the better.

Chaturbhuja Temple, India
On the wall of a small temple in Gwalior there is a tiny glyph that, although unassuming, is probably one of the most significant engravings in the world. This is because it is here that the earliest ever inscription of the digit zero. Although it’s not the first representation of the concept zero, it’s the first to use it in a decimal-place value system (dating to the year 876!), and is the little circle we know and love. I like to think of it as a starting point for the billions upon billions of little zeros that fly around cyberspace every day.

The acoustic mirrors, England
Constructed prior to the Second World War, these ‘concrete ears’ are listening devices that were used to detect incoming aircraft. Sound was reflected by the massive concrete structures and concentrated into a microphone and could deduce the distance and direction of the aircraft. However, increases in aircraft speed, and the advent of radar, spelled the end of the acoustic mirrors. Today they still stand in Kent, England, listening intently.

Harrison’s Chronometers, England
The National Maritime Museum in Greenwich houses not just one but four of the most incredible timepieces ever constructed. These marine chronometers are highly accurate timepieces that were designed and built by John Harrison (1693 - 1776) over the course of his lifetime. Each was revolutionary in its design, and Harrison invented many features still used in clocks and other devices today, including the frictionless grasshopper escapement, the bimetallic strip commonly used in thermostats, the caged roller bearing used in almost everything with moving parts, and the gridiron pendulum, which makes allowances for the expansions and contractions in the mechanism due to changes in heat. Harrison’s clocks weren’t just important because of their accuracy though - their precision helped solve the greatest scientific challenge of his day, the Longitude Problem, making accurate long distance sea travel possible in the Age of Sail. Not bad work for a humble carpenter.

That’s my top five - what are yours?

4 comments June 12th, 2008

Would you survive an animal attack?

How do you fancy your chances against a bear? A lion? Or perhaps an ordinary housecat? If you’re not sure, you’ll be pleased to hear the good folks at Their Toys are hosting an interactive guide to forecasting your chances of surviving an animal attack. I really don’t know why a sex toy shop is hosting an animal survival indicator.  Allegedly the results are based on known survival rates, so there’s some science in there somewhere.  Maybe.

Being a skinny lad with no experience of firearms and a fairly ambivalent approach to death, I didn’t score very highly. In fact, the odds are one in four of me losing to my pet cat. Seems fair, anyone who’s seen my cat knows you don’t mess with that 16lb tabby.

Add comment June 11th, 2008

Friday Flash Fun: Epsilon

Bizarrely claiming to be based on something to do with the Large Hadron Collider, Epsilon is nonetheless a nice little distraction involving portals, wormholes, gravity bombs and time warps. Even more bizarrely, you will use all these monumental powers to move a tiny ball into a tiny hole. Something tells me the Russians would have used a pencil.

Add comment June 5th, 2008