Robertson’s

Dear Roberton’s,
I recently purchased a 454g jar of your Strawberry Jam, which is as delicious now as I remember it was as a child. I noticed that on the front of the label was a banner informing me that there was 63g of sugar per 100g of jam in Robertson’s Strawberry Jam.

Continue Reading Add comment October 6th, 2006

PowerWatch’s EMF Hat

It might look like your average beekeeper’s hat, but this pretty lady is actually wearing £25.50 worth of cutting-edge anti-EMF headgear as sold by chief alarmist and Daily Mail correspondent Alasdair Philips. Simply place said hat on your head, and you are protected against mobile phone signals, electricity pylons, household wiring, and anything else remotely electrical that could possibly be sending an invisible “electrosmog” of death your way (efficacy against mind-control waves and psychic attacks has yet to be determined). I think this makes the EMF Hat a strong contender as a successor technology to those first-generation Tin Foil Hats.

Just like heat rays and space travel, headgear to protect against invisible debilitating death waves have been the staple of science fiction for a long time now. Strong advocates include Magneto, who sports a stylish Greek Olympian-inspired number to protect him against those pesky X-Men. Likewise, big-man Juggernaut isn’t too proud to admit even he needs to look after his head. That’s nonce-sense, I like to say.

In case any of you would pooh-pooh the protection offered by Tin Foil Hats, let’s remember that graduate students at MIT carried out a study demonstrating the attenuating power of an aluminium foil hat. That must count for something. After all, it’s not like students to carry out some kind of tongue-in-cheek experiment just for laughs, is it?

All of which goes to show, you don’t have to be crazy to invest in a decent anti-EMF helmet. However, crazy is exactly what you’ll look as you potter about Primark in one of these, unless you can somehow convince everyone it’s a safeguard against bees. Which, funnily enough, is the only real protection this device offers.

1 comment October 6th, 2006