Machina Dynamica’s Brilliant Pebbles

October 28th, 2006

And now to the humourously titled “White Paper on Brilliant Pebbles”, which isn’t a White Paper, and sells pebbles that are only brilliant in the sense that make Geoff Kait a lot of money. As you can see from the image, it’s a small jar of pebbles, the kind mums buy on holiday as cheap souvenirs. If you mum was smart, she’d put them in a vial and charge them at $129 a piece. But why would anyone spend $129 on a small vial of polished gravel?

To answer that, here’s one of those ‘magic eye’ images, from the MD website.

Not convinced? Hmm.. Well, how about this: they’ll make your stereo sound better! Real good, like one of those Super Audio systems with the 5.1 channel surround sound. Just place them on your speaker, or in the corner of the room, or next to your clock and be amazed by the instant improvement in sound. The idea runs something like this: rocks are made of crystals. The molecules in a crystal vibrate. Sound waves are vibrations. Place these in your listening room and they’ll absorb unwanted sound reflections. Yes, that’s right. Rocks absorb sound. Remember how libraries filled with soft furnishings don’t have many echoes, and car parks with concrete floors and walls do? Well, you’re wrong. Rocks absorb sound really well, especially unwanted sound, which can somehow be distinguished from the sound you do want. Perhaps that’s where the brilliant part comes in. Small vials of polished rock are very good at absorbing sound. Still not convinced? OK then, here are some atoms:

See, they’re oscillating. Machina Dynamica would have us believe that proves everything.

Did I mention they have glowing testimonials on the website? If I’d just spent $129 on a jar of rocks, I’d be telling myself it was worth it, too. Perhaps my favourite line in the “White Paper” is this:

Brilliant Pebbles is capable of dramatically lowering audio noise and distortion - perhaps especially in systems where great pains have been taken to ensure the highest possible performance.

In other words, Brilliant Pebbles work best when you’re the type of chump who just spent £5000 on a hi-fi, $199 on a clock, £500 on a crocodile clip, £30 on a power cable, and would gladly pay £10 for a punch in the face if you were told it would make your stereo sound better.

See the Original Site
iLikeJam’s collection of Audiophile nonsense

Entry Filed under: The Inventions

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